Koni Farnsworth- Healed depression and sucidal thoughts.
KoniOnce, as a child I heard the call of the Lord. In an attempt to follow the strong pull into the ministry, I enrolled in bible college in my mid teens. Just after my first year E. P. B. C. I became side tracked by a young man, and dropped out to follow my heart, thus beginning a series of events that which took me a away from God. Several tragedies contributed to my tumble from grace. A broken marriage, a lovely five year old daughter killed by a careless driver, a car accident which killed my brother on my birthday, and a few more life jarring incidents. Hurting and far from God who had once been my source of strength, I felt helpless. Now, out of touch with my creator, I was sucked in a down hill spiral. Sin and bondage completely engulfed me, taking over my life.
The climax was 1991, at the end of my endurance, I attempted to drive of the pier at the Cobourg harbor. My heart crying from a wasted life and “what might have been.” I cannot explain what happened next. First there was a small voice telling me suicide would not bring release but take me to a place where the torture is far greater than anything yet endured. Suddenly I was in Lake Vista Square in Oshawa at two A.M. with no recollection of having made the trip. Puzzled, I started to drive toward Cobourg praying for the first time in years. “God are you doing all this. If you want me to stay in Oshawa give me a sign. I was about to leave the city’s boundaries. “As I uttered these words the head light went out. Ahead stretched a pitch black highway. In turning the car around, to my surprise, the head light came back on. ” Oh God” I cried. “It’s you isn’t it.” I heard no more even though I begged him to communicate further.
I remembered hearing somewhere that one can get closer to God through fasting and prayer. I needed spiritual contact! Taking an apartment across the street from Lake Vista Square I started a ten day water fast. Locked in the apartment without phone, T.V. or friends, I prayed and sought God night and day. As the fast progressed an amazing thing began to happen. His presence could be felt then came the sound of a voice. He wanted me back in the ministry. “Downtown” he said, “Work with the oppressed and down trodden. You must set the captives free.” “But” I argued “You have the wrong person! I am all that myself. How can I help others? Besides I’m a sinner and dirty.” I was putting away things in the new apartment and had just picked up an frying pan cover in years of blackened burned grease. The spirit said , “Look at the pan in your hand. See how black and filthy it is? If you can clean up that pan I can clean you up to do my work.” “There is no way I can do that without pot cleaners.” “Did you look under the sink” came the soft reply? Sliding back the door reveled half a pot scrubber pad left by the previous occupant. Skeptically, I grasped the small item and gave it a few passes over the bottom of the blackened pan. To my amazement the chard grease gave way returning the pan to shinny newness, just as it was twenty years earlier. The astonishment turned to glee as the cleansing began happening not only to the pot but within me. I knew God had done the impossible and even as I watched the old frying pan became spotless and new again, even so was my soul.
Dancing, laughing, singing, tears of joy streamed from my eyes. I was now convinced of the worthiness to do what ever task He had in store. From then on, through that fast, I continued to feel incredibly close to God, penning poetry and song under divine inspiration, obtaining instruction from the beautiful soft voice which remained always near. When the fast was over I was ready, and started His work. The following poem was written during the days of the fast. It took only twenty minutes to pen because He was there.
By Tom Coghill of Fasting.ws Articles may be copied or reproduced as long as the back links to fasting.ws are intact and the author’s name is included.